brittle

 

i am duty without good news
blame with nowhere to lay

wither winter
weight bearing freight
it bows the bones
runs deep
flows in folds.
I am riddled
with the returning
(is it the same as never going forward? the same as losing focus?)
what I meant to say
stays meant
caught
in the roar and repair
of my mis-making
maneuvering
waxy waning.

a love that does not disappoint

in the gnarl of us is a knot
a center, a start, a place to begin…

absolution in strands of usury, guilt, duty, blame
oh loathsome futility
calculating consequences
of words conceived
unsaid. weighing
weighty intentions
against pin-prick choice
daily made
& consumed.
dulling words
drip dropping
chipping away any gorgeous good
still clinging : hope.

the feel of feeling it

fear

     hard companion

         clutching compacting crusher

     you are harbored, safe.

deep marrow thick

tunneling through

brittle passage ways

pooling in crevices

(oh Spirit shine your light, it is dark here.)

stagnating stinking

birthing a heaviness

that seeps unchecked.

in this room

confined by your freedom
it’s all I can do not to reach out
(one touch).

i am careful
to keep a safe distance,
to not leave my need just laying around.
(a dash of hello)
i scurry to & from the room
(a sideways goodbye while righting myself - heart sinking to it’s proper position, mind slamming to a halt, near freedom re-shackling)
this awkward arrangement
me couched. you chaired.
desklampbamboochairwallartsidetablewastebasketbookscouch | souls.
your tending feels like annihilation
and i check out when we get too close.

i imagine you are purposeful
pulling me along
to somewhere i need to go, guiding
toward something you want for me
something i can not yet see.
(Sometimes, though, I’m not so sure.)
I hold on so tight
until I can learn to maneuver around you,
control what I guard,
take off, cast aside, show.

I am heavy, on lock-down
dissolving clenched
holding fast to filth
unremembered, yet known.
my heart is a floater here
suspect,
(and i wonder) will it ever come ashore.


one parsed, well placed word at a time
i move toward the light,
slowly unfurling,
do you see my fury, fear, faithlessness? And, finally, do you see
the soft & downy underbelly
new growth?

snapshots

(snapshots of poems written during 2001-2012) 

midnight driving.
(you hold the trump card)
I pack
fitted for my role
loaded with bundles partially covered.
rolling toward you
across miles, mountains, states;
a fare-the-well to my heart broken.
this precipice,
love found (somehow)
hidden in fibers
not yet known.
blinking, blinking
(a small town traffic light after midnight)
bringing us closer
a distant togetherness.

I will fit in here.
slipping into old love
seeping, refilling your cracks
adhering to uncharted spaces (unknown, unthought of)
rooting me.
(my queen is in the dark)
determination causes forgetfulness
and our love - it’s thorny -
snagging where we are soft.